Few people realise that one of the most profound impacts on their mental health isn't something they do alone—it's who they choose to spend time with. When I began intentionally curating my social circle by trusting my body's innate wisdom, the transformation in my overall wellbeing was crazy!
The science behind friendship's impact is compelling. Harvard researchers discovered that quality relationships improve longevity by 50%—a more powerful effect than quitting smoking or maintaining regular exercise. This finding from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness, demonstrates just how crucial our social connections are to both our mental and physical health.
Your Body Knows Who's Good For You
But how do we identify which relationship is good for us? The answer lies within our own physiology. Our bodies possess what researchers call a social nervous system that physically reacts to different people in our lives.
That tension in your shoulders, unexpected exhaustion, or knot in your stomach after spending time with certain friends isn't random—it's your body's intelligence communicating vital information. Polyvagal theory in neuroscience explains how our nervous system continuously evaluates social safety, often before our conscious mind has processed the interaction.
I began a simple practice: after spending time with someone, I'd pause to notice how I felt physically and emotionally. Was I energised or depleted? Did I feel lighter or heavier? More authentic or more guarded? These bodily sensations became my friendship compass, guiding me toward relationships that genuinely supported my wellbeing.
The most profound mental health decision sometimes isn't starting a new practice or habit—it's simply honouring what our body already knows about the people in our lives. By intentionally surrounding myself with friends who make me feel seen, appropriately challenged, and genuinely supported, I have created a social environment that naturally elevates my mental health.
Who is that friend for you? That question may be one of the most important ones you ask yourself on your mental health journey.